A Personal Stalking Experience
by Ann Duffy-Randall
I came to recent Stalking Gathering carrying a lot of fear (very old & very familiar) in my body.
I can share about my experience with fear:
I am aware I am shaky in the center of my body, both arms are trembling, my mouth is dry, I feel a dull pain in my gut (solar plexus). I am on my tiptoes and I am positioned close to the edge of my seat.
I place my fear in an empty chair sitting across from me. I talk to fear and tell her,
“I am afraid of you. My neck hurts, I am shaking talking to you.”
I look down and my thorax is collapsing over my thighs. My thoughts (encouraged by Hal to speak out loud) –
“I want to face you. I am tired of carrying you around.”
I became fear by sitting in the chair where I placed my fear and talk to Ann. I say back to Ann,
“You should be afraid. You aren’t confident, you don’t know what you’re doing, and you’re not even comfortable in your own skin. You talk too much.”
I become aware of how clear, confident, powerful and grounded I feel being fear.
I notice my neck doesn’t hurt, my thorax is upright, my head is erect and not ridged, and my feet are planted on the floor. I feel life and energy in me. I am who I am here. I don’t care whether Ann or anybody else likes or approve of me.
Hal mirrors the, “I AM” back to me and I get it. I feel tearful, a release of pressure and a feeling of calm in my body. I don’t want to leave here. I feel peace and I feel free.